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Фильтрация:

— по автору: Simon Skempton


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2012-2013



English


Stop reading text messages on your.. calculator?!
Simon Skempton


History


Herodotus is the father of history. so if you're gonna hate this course (which you will), you know who to blame!
Simon Skempton

Sooo, you're gonna do a presentation. how it goes... well, you stand in front of everybody, read your text, everyone laughs and throws tomatoes at you. then you sit down, that's all
Simon Skempton

Well, in fact there's only one essay that you should write. I just said there're two because I wanted you to choose philosophy
Simon Skempton

Did you just say "чего"? you're gonna be saying a lot of ЧЕГО during these lectures
Simon Skempton

Aaaand now I'm gonna pick a victim and he'll be humiliated
Simon Skempton

Those who missed my explanation MAY DIE.
Simon Skempton

S.S. - were you at the last lecture?
Student - my heart was there!
S.S. - but your ass wasn't!
Simon Skempton, Student

Todays lecture is going to be so exceptionally boring, that it's actually going to be interesting in it's dullness.
Simon Skempton

Simon: Rousseau said, that ancient man had only two desires: he wanted a meal and a woman.
Student: Just like a student - but students also want to sleep
Simon Skempton, Student




2010-2011



English


Every student who is later than the teacher is really late, especially if the teacher is me.
Simon Skempton

When I tell them that I am a British citizen they always say:"Give us back Berezovski!"
Simon Skempton

A terrible idea that teachers take money for their teaching!
Simon Skempton

Culture shock in America! You were shocked by the bananas? Well you ain't heard nothing yet!
Simon Skempton

Have you ever heard of the word "work"? No? Well, it means an action that was invented by Germans in the 16th century... Yes, terrible. Only Germans could have invented it.
Simon Skempton

Simon: If a drug-addict suddenly stops taking drugs, he gets cold turkey
Студент: I like the word 'turkey' being spelled with a small 't'
Simon Skempton, Студент


Философия


Aristotle gave private English lessons to Alexander the Great.
Simon Skempton

Reality is a very frightening thing, and if I were you I would avoid it as much as I could.
Simon Skempton

"Suchnost" doesn't describe essence in general, it only describes, perhaps, the essence of Aristotle's wife.
Simon Skempton

It sounds like a philosopher speaking because it sounds like nonsense.
Simon Skempton

And, as all Plato's dialogs, the "Republic" begins with the question (пишет на доске) "WTF?"
Simon Skempton

In democracy, do you have the best, the wisest people ruling the country? No, you have Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Simon Skempton




2009-2010



Философия


Студент пытается понять содержание высказанных Саймоном слов:
— Да тут без ста грамм не разберешься!
Simon Skempton с энтузиазмом:
— Exactly!
Студент, Simon Skempton




2008-2009



English


...You know, 'bum' is more like 'popotchka', not 'zhopa'.
Simon Skempton




2007-2008



Философия


Student: "What is real beer? It's that one after which you feel like just-born." Simon: "How?" — "You are crawling, crying, not able to speak." — Simon, with great interest, "What beer?"
Simon Skempton

S. Skempton: "Oh, it's horizontal snow!" — Student: "Maybe it's vertical snow, and our building is horizontal?" — Simon: "No, gravitational fields tell me we're vertical."
Simon Skempton

(speaking about dictatorship)
Simon Skempton: "...So, you've still got freedom: die, or obey me." — Student: "Can I die?" — "Yes, sure, here's the window."
Simon Skempton

Best thing about being cool is not realising how cool you are.
Simon Skempton

(экзамен по интеллектуальной истории Европы)
Simon Skempton: "Anyone who cheats will get a lower mark." — Студент, шепотом: "Simon, this girl is using shpargalka!" — Simon: "Stukach!"
Simon Skempton, Студент




2006-2007



Философия


History of ideas is history of mistakes. . .it can be called a history of stupid ideas.
Simon Skempton

Now, what is 'phalanx'? It is not to be confused with the word 'phallus'...
Simon Skempton

Plato's writings present Socrates as a clever guy playing with some idiots...Do YOU know any idiots?
Simon Skempton

"Romans called them 'barbarians' because they wore beards."
"What about the Greeks? Didn't they also wear beards?"
"Well, Aristotle and Plato did wear beards, but they were Hippies."
Simon Skempton

The November essay was easy in a difficult way, but the April essay is difficult in an easy way.
Simon Skempton

Locke's life was very similar to his philosophy - it was very boring.
Simon Skempton

Don't be mistaken to think that there is anything interesting in the philosophy of Locke.
Simon Skempton

Rousseau lived in houses of rich women and had relationships with them. . .then, suddenly, he decided to write a book.
Simon Skempton

Philosophy makes you happy? You haven't understood something.
Simon Skempton

(about Hagel's philosophy)
Two opposite things are identical! Oh my God! Let's commit suicide!
Simon Skempton

I am for Krister Sairsingh today. . .the real Krister Sairsingh has gone to the Carribean, you know, Trinidad. . .he is lying on the beach, drinking rum, reading your essays...
Simon Skempton

My Russian improves after a few drinks.
Simon Skempton




© Студенты и преподаватели МИЭФ. Имена изменены.